Apparently, the internet has decided none of us know what a soft life is anymore.
Depending on which creator you ask, its either a luxury scam, a feminine- energy cult, an anti-work movement, a mindset, an aesthetic, a trauma response, or just a girl drinking matcha in expensive pajamas. At this point, i’m convinced we’ve all attended different meetings.
Since turning thirty (yes the big 3..0 and if im asked .. I will be turning 27 again next year and the year after that lol) i’ve been thinking a lot about why this conversation matters to me in the first place.
I started asking what really is a “soft life” and then I noticed something interesting happening. Every week someone says “soft life isn’t about luxury”, someone else says “soft life isn’t about men (referring to the princess treatment), then another creator says soft life isn’t an aesthetic”.. Eventually everyone begins redefining the movement until it no longer resembles what inspired millions of woman in the first place.
But before I dive deep into the soft life movement let me explain a bit about how I arrived here…
I was always drawn to softness. Not because I lacked ambition because my idea of success was never just a paycheck. I dreamed of family dinners on a yacht, movie nights on a private beach, laughing with loved ones on the back of a camel, just trying new experiences I couldn’t even imagine, creating memories with the people I loved. I was never chasing a life of doing nothing.. I dreamt of a life where being alive was the point. But because I grew up surrounded by people who sacrificed so much, especially my family who worked hard to create stability to the point I grew up thinking I was rich- shocked to learn I was indeed part of the middle class; I felt guilty for wanting something different.
THE CONFLICT = How could I want ease when the people before me had to struggle??
So, I chose the path they wanted for me but it certainly didn’t last very long because I don’t love traditional work but I also didn't know how to create the alternative. So I lived in the in between of being unfulfilled by the typical path yet not having another path carved out. But I craved something different cuz while I never had a hustle mentality I still had a hustlers nervous system and that kept me stuck.
Always rushing
Always comparing
Feeling behind
Planning but not executing
Constantly consuming self help information
Feeling ashamed of needing support but not knowing where to find it
Forced to start from square one even though I grew up with a good foundation because I allowed myself to be a dependent for too long without a way forward.
But the important realization was that my problem wasn’t that I wanted this continued life of ease. My problem was that I wanted ease without the systems required to create it. That was the CEO awakening. Because a soft life without structure becomes chaos. A soft life WITH structure becomes freedom!
So last year right? Right before my birthday (winter 2024) I sprained my ankle. Physically I was on crutches but mentally still running. I was hurt; I needed rest. But I still wanted to push through, show up, & prove I wasn’t limited. But the lesson here wasn’t stop living it was stop performing, babe. I wasn’t living softly. I was still performing the appearance of being okay. I was forcing myself to maintain an image instead of listening to myself and my body. I had to ask myself “How many more signs do you need, sis, before you slow the hell down?” Well long story short it still took me a whole nother year to find the answer to that question by re-spraining my ankle of course 😅(winter 2025) . The answer being that slowing down isn’t failure it creates intention behind everything that I do.
So for my 2025 birthday I decided to find a way to enjoy my celebration of life in a meaningful way that still brought me joy. What changed wasn’t the money, the people, the love, or the support. It was the intention. A simple curated night: balloons, gifts, intimacy, & peace. I created the vision. I made a wishlist. I communicated my desire. I designed the environment. And the result was that I felt like a million bucks without needing a million dollar production. I learned an important lesson. The life I wanted wasn’t impossible. I just wasn’t intentionally designing it. I was skipping past important details doing things half assed and wondering why I never reached the results I imagined.
The little soft life girl was growing up. She wasn’t wrong for receiving, enjoying, or exploring. She was experiencing the discovery of self. This was necessary to develop into the soft life ceo. A woman who represents ownership, creation, systems, legacy, & sustainability! This woman now asks the important questions…
How do I create a life that continues to exist even when circumstances change?
No longer living in a crossroads of lack of true independence because of fear of hyper independence. I want to build not because of hustle but because of love. A love for myself, for the ones who came before me and the ones who are coming up behind me. To provide an experience for my family they haven’t yet imagined just like they did for me. I want my success to create opportunities for other people outside of my family. Now I wont lie and say I don’t want money in order to buy things cuz baby ima a material gworl.. but truly I want abundance that allows me to give to others as well, so others can experience my same joy. Whether thats financially or just inspirationally.
At 29, I thought I wasn’t enough because I couldn’t force myself to live the way everyone else expected.
At 30 ( well my 3rd 27😅), I realized I wasn’t meant to work harder at becoming someone else.. I was meant to work smarter at building the life I was always trying to create. Which would allow me to carry responsibility differently instead of avoid it.
The Soft life saved me because it is more than just a trend. It’s a cultural conversation. It’s a lifestyle philosophy. It’s lifestyle design without self abandonment! Yes it is an aesthetic but it’s also a mindset. It’s a system. And I think we’ve done ourselves a disservice by pretending it has to be only one of those things. While anyone can appreciate and participate in it today its origins explain why it not only drew me in but resonates so deeply with black women as a whole. At the same time, dismissing the aesthetic as superficial ignores the role aesthetics play in shaping identity, aspiration, and behavior. So, let’s get into it babyyy!
WHERE “SOFT LIFE” CAME FROM
The soft life didnt begin with Pilates, matcha lattes, designer handbags, or neutral colored high rise apartments. Before it became an aesthetic, it was a response. The phrase gained popularity back in 2021 through Nigerian women online before spreading across the black diaspora, where it resonated with woman who were exhausted by the expectation that strength had to come at the expense of peace. The movement wasn’t asking women to stop contributing, it was asking whether struggle had become our default setting. Unnecessary suffering through constant survival mode, burnout, carrying others burdens, was a themed that was changing. Women as a whole are now moving toward an every day life filled with ease, boundaries, joy, reset, creativity, and intentional living. As the idea of soft life spread across social media, different communities began interpreting ‘Soft life’ though their own experiences. For some it remained a philosophy, for others, it became synonymous with femininity, dating, or wealth. Eventually, everyone seemed to agree on one thing: they disagreed about what the soft life actually was. Understanding where the movement came from helps explain why it resonated so deeply with certain communities. It doesn’t necessarily mean the movement belongs exclusively to those communities but it does help us understand the needs and experiences that shaped its original message.
DOES ORIGIN MATTER?
Now that we know where the soft life movement originated, does that mean only the people who started it get to define it? I don’t think the answer is as simple as yes or no. Many holidays have complicated origins. Wedding traditions evolved over centuries. Yoga originated in one culture but is now practiced around the world. Hip hop began in one community but became a global art form. Most movements eventually grow beyond the people who first named them: that doesn’t erase the origin —it expands the conversation. I think understanding the origin of the soft life movement matters becasue it explains the emotional need that created it. It reminds us that it wasn’t born out of vanity or laziness. It was born out of exhaustion. At the same time, I don’t believe acknowledging that history means no one else can find meaning in the movement ( cuz I myself was quick to think a discriminating thought of -why must white women feel the need to speak on having the soft life when they’ve had it for years) but ideas evolve.. cultures influence each other. The important question isn’t whether someone is “allowed” to embrace the soft life- its whether they understand what made the movement meaningful in the first place. And that’s why black women connected with the movement so deeply. To understand that, we have to understand the history that shaped our relationship with work, rest, femininity, and survival.
WHY BLACK WOMEN CONNECT WITH IT
Permission!
Permission to rest.
Permission to receive.
Permission to choose ease.
Permission to be seen as soft.
For generations many black women have been expected to be resilient. Whether through slavery, segregation, economic inequality, or cultural expectations- strength became more than a personality trait - it became a survival strategy. The ability to endure was celebrated because in many cases it had to be. (Of course im talking about cultural expectation not every individuals life. Remember were talking origin…) Being called strong sounds empowering until you realize people stop asking whether you’re tired. When everyone expects you to carry everything— eventually you stop believing you deserve to put anything down. The soft life challenged that expectation. Not by saying I don’t want responsibilities but by saying I don’t want struggle to be my identity. Black women were not often permitted to embody femininity in the same socially protected way as our white counterpart. Don’t get it twisted I know not all white women historically lived luxurious lives— many worked in factories, on farms, or in domestic labour and class differences mattered enormously. What differed was the mainstream western ideals of femininity, often centered white women as delicate, protected, and worthy of care while black women were frequently denied that same treatment.
Looking back, I realized I wasn’t attracted to the appearance of the soft life nearly as much as I was attracted to what it represented— being intentional. I equated hustle with survival mode. But hustle is your drive while intentional living vs survival mode is your reason - what you attach your drive to.
In many ways I already knew what a life of ease could feel like because my family worked incredibly hard to give it to me- and never failed to remind me. I come from a Caribbean family where hard work wasn’t just encouraged -it was an expression of love. Each generation sacrificed so the next generation could have opportunities they never did. As a child, I experienced the comfort their sacrifices created. As an adult, however, I began to feel that embracing ease for myself somehow meant I wasn’t honoring the very work that made it possible. It took me years to realize the opposite was true. If my family’s sacrifices created the opportunity for a softer life, then learning how to fully embrace that life isn’t rejecting their legacy — it’s fulfilling it. That’s part of why this conversation feels so personal to me.
Somewhere along the way, I began to believe that adulthood meant proving I could carry the same weight the generations before me had carried. There was an invisible handoff— from being cared for to becoming the one expected to figure it all out. (Just chop my head off now, why don’t you 🤯was the theme of my life) My family gave me the tools they knew would lead to a good life because they wanted the best for me, but as I got older, I realized that path didn't align with who I was. More than anything, through this transition, I wasn’t taught how to regulate my nervous system; which lead to me not believing in my own autonomy - feeling incapable of directing my own life with confidence. So often while my life looked stable on the outside, internally I was living in a constant state of urgency because I felt behind. I believed I had to earn the ease i’d already experienced. It took me many years to realize that honoring my family’s sacrifices didn’t mean inheriting their struggle - it meant using the opportunities they created - to build a life that truly fit me.
Once I understood what the soft life meant to me, I started to understand why so many others saw themselves in it too.
WHY EVRYONE WANTS IT NOW
Everyone resonates with living a soft life because everyone wants relief from unnecessary struggle. Thats struggle just looks different depending on who you are and what season you’re in, in your life. Once the soft life entered the mainstream culture, it stopped belonging to one conversation. People from different backgrounds began seeing themselves in it becasue, at its core, the desire for peace, ease, and fulfillment isn’t unique to any one group. Almost everyone wants a life that feels lighter than the one they are currently living. I mean let’s be forreal .. the modern world is exhausting.
Not black. Not white. It’s really not a racial thing tbh…
Not rich. Not poor.
Everybody is overstimulated.
Everybody is busy.
Everybody is comparing themselves online.
Everybody wants a f*ucking break
Thats why the movement exploded.
Whether you’re a college student, an entrepreneur, a stay at home mom, a nurse , a teacher, a scammer, or an artist -one thing most people can agree to is that life feels loud. Our attention is constantly being pulled in a hundred different directions.
We’re expected to:
Produce more
Consume more
Achieve more..
And somehow still have energy left over to enjoy life. Of course people are drawn to a philosophy and aesthetic centered around ease. The soft life became a visual language for peace. Whether its fresh flowers on a kitchen table, a slow morning with coffee, a vacation by the ocean, or simply having enough time to enjoy your day, people aren’t attracted to the objects but instead what those objects represent: choice, freedom, and the ability to breathe. Social media didn’t invent the desire for a softer life - it gave people a window into lifestyles they didn't imagine were possible. Every time someone shaped a peaceful morning routine, a beautifully organized home, or a simple moment of joy, they weren’t just showing products they were selling possibility. And thats exactly why I know it’s a mistake to dismiss the aesthetic altogether. If the lifestyle is the destination, the aesthetic is often what introduces people to the journey.
THE AESTHETIC DEBATE
One of the biggest debates surrounding the soft life is whether it’s about mindset or aesthetics. -thats a false choice. The mindset is the foundation. The aesthetic is the invitation. Human beings are visual creatures. We associate colors, environments, clothing, architecture, and routines with certain emotions. Which is why color theory, luxury hotels, & spas exist in the first place. They aren’t necessary for living a peaceful life but it certainly encourages it. Soft colors evoke calm, Pilates encourages intentional movement, fresh flowers brighten a room, and a thoughtfully curated wardrobe can simplify your mornings. None of these things makes someone soft but they can support a softer way of living. To dismiss the aesthetic altogether is to ignore the role that beauty, symbolism, and environment play in shaping our habits and our well being. Every aesthetic communicates something.
A spa communicates tranquility.
A biker aesthetic communicates rebellion or adventure
Gothic fashion communicates mystery, dark, drama, or introspection
Cottage core communicates simplicity and nature
My point is that different aesthetics evoke different emotional experiences and the soft life aesthetic intentionally uses visual cues that reinforce peace, ease, gentleness, and standard quality of living. Luxury might not be the point but it’s the symbol. Luxury doesn’t have to be a price tag it’s about having choices. The soft life isn’t about proving you live a luxurious life. It’s about creating a visual environment that consistently reminds you of the life you're intentionally building and embodying.
PRINCESS TREATMENT AND RELATIONSHIPS
One of the biggest criticisms of the soft life movement is that it’s creating unrealistic expectations in relationships, especially within black couples. The movement didn’t create the problem- it revealed one that already existed. More women are openly saying they want to be cared for, provided for, and prioritized. While many men feel pressured to meet standards they weren’t taught or financially prepared to meet. The conversation shouldn’t be about whether women should desire or receive the princess treatment or whether men should work themselves in the ground tryna provide it. It should be about building relationships where both people are creating a life that protects their collective peace. To me princess treatment isn’t about avoiding responsibility to feel cherished but that “responsibility” does need to be defined for every relationship. (Trust me that word sounds more daunting than it really is )While I absolutely believe in receiving — I also believe in creating assets, income, and systems that ensure my peace never depends entirely on another’s person ability to provide it, thats not rejecting partnership its strengthening it. Receiving is not the opposite if contributing and contributing doesn’t have to be a 50/50 concept. How you choose to show up in your relationships is something you define so define it in a way that elevates your existence. The most beautiful relationships aren’t built on one person carrying the other ( I mean unless that’s your kink lol) they are built on two people who bring their own strengths, resources, and love into the same vision.
INFLUENCE ISN'T EVIL!
We live in a world where everything influences us— from people we surround ourselves with to the environments we create and the content we consume. When a beautiful woman walks by wearing a creamy strawberry musk fragrance and you ask what she’s wearing in hopes of purchasing the product- you’ve been influenced. When your sister raves about the new crumbl cookie and dove deodorant collab and you run to amazon to get yours shipped overnight -you’ve been influenced. When you're planning your next vacation and your bestie tells you about the all inclusive resort in Cancun and you run to united vacations to book your tropical adventure- babe you’ve been influenced.
Influence is woven into everyday life. The problem is NOT being inspired by someone else’s lifestyle; it’s adopting it without understanding the purpose behind it. That responsibility doesn’t belong to the influencer— it belongs to the individual being influenced. An influencer’s job is to inspire, evoke emotion, spark curiosity, and introduce possibilities you might not have considered before.
Your job is to decide whether those possibilities align with your values, goals, and the life you’re intentionally creating. That’s the difference between performance and embodiment. Performance says “ I want to look like I live a soft life”. Embodiment says, “ I’m intentionally building a life that feels soft to me”. The aesthetic becomes meaningful when it’s connected to intention. The goal isn’t to pretend you’ve already arrived — it’s to allow inspiration to expand your vision and then create a version of the soft life that is authentically your own.
Inspiration may open the door, but intention is what turns it into a lifestyle.
LIFESTYLE DESIGN IS THE SOLUTION
It’s not luck .. it’s alignment! A soft life doesn’t happen by accident.
Lifestyle design is the process of intionally creating systems, environments, and routines, that make your desired life easier to maintain. It is recognizing where your life creates unnecessary stress and finding ways to simplify it. Maybe that means creating a wardrobe that’s makes getting dressed easier.
Automating finances
Organizing your home in a way that supports your habits
Choosing work that aligns with your strengths
Building income streams that give you more autonomy over your time
The goal isn’t to remove all effort from life- it is to stop wasting energy fighting against yourself. A truly soft life is not built by avoiding responsibility; it is by designing a life where your responsibilities support the person you’re becoming.
THE SOFT LIFE CEO
This is where the soft life CEO is born! She is not a woman who rejects ambition, responsibility, or growth- she is a woman who has decided that success should not require sacrificing herself, self worth , or self care. She understands that softness and ownership can coexist. She can enjoy being loved, supported, and celebrated while also creating assets, building wealth and designing a future that expands beyond herself. THE SOFT LIFE CEO doesn’t want temporary comfort; she wants legacy. She doesn’t want to just receive abundance she wants to create it. She is the woman who realizes that the ultimate luxury is having control over her time, energy, and choices. At 27,😆 I realized I wasn’t meant to force myself into a life that never fit me - I was meant to intentionally build a life that did…
CONNECT WITH ME
If this conversation resonated with you, welcome to the Nuniverse🧚🏾♀️. This is my little corner of the world where I share the things that inspire me, challenge me, and make life feel more meaningful- from creativity and entrepreneurship, to personal growth, experiences, and becoming the most authentic version of your self.
If “The Soft Life CEO” philosophy spoke to you, you can continue that conversation with me on YouTube and TikTok ( @the_nuniverse) where ill be diving deeper into intentional living, lifestyle design, and creating a life that feels as good as it looks.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk!
Until next time lovies, luv you byeeeeee
-Nuni✨
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